Reason behind my sadness and no article this week.

Hello everyone,
I'm sorry for not posting a new article this week .. These last two days were really not great for me and I thought why not letting you know what is going on …
For those who are only interested in make up you don't need to read further as it is going to be about me and my personal life.
Most of you know that I am in university and I study translation and interpreting in English & Dutch. So next year is the year where students go abroad as Erasmus students. So basically if you don't know what it is, it's just living in another place away from your home, family and stuff to study in another university and to speak another language.
I wanted to go to the UK for YEARS. It is one of the reason why I've been motivated to do these studies as I love English and the culture and stuff … So a few weeks ago I had to give my 5 fav destinations for next year and I picked 4 universities in the UK and one in Holland. My professor and all the staff had meetings to be able to place students (a LOT of students) in universities all over the world..
The problem is : the grades are very important. If someone fails the year, it would be a waste of money for my university as they pay the other universities for Erasmus students. So the staff makes sure they pick the right students to go to different countries (You need the best grades to go to Canada, and some European countries ..).
As my profile wasn't the best cause I failed some exams last year, they couldn't pick me to go to the UK, and all the other countries in Europe except from Belgium (yes .. where I live).

I am completely devastated. I have waited years and years to be able to finally live in the UK. I could imagine going to uni there, living a british life for a few months, I was already looking for a place to live, I was planning to see my friend Maryam and all … I was convinced I would be there.
It meant so much to me to be picked to go there.

Yesterday I got a call. I had to go to a meeting with the person in charge of the Erasmus students. He announced me that none of the destinations I picked were available for me because I wasn't GOOD ENOUGH. You know when you realize that all your efforts counted for nothing ?
I feel broken for two days now. I wanted this so badly and I'm just going to another city in MY country. What's the point really ? I don't consider this as an Erasmus. It's ridiculous.

I feel like nothing that I do matters. I feel like I'm not good enough. I feel like all my dreams are just now lost …

I can't  stop crying since yesterday. I know it may sound ridiculous to some of you. But it meant so much to me. Knowing that all my friends will be in the UK, Canada and all these great places and I'll be in Belgium. It breaks my heart.

I feel like a zombie since yesterday. I am hurt. so badly. I don't wanna show anyone but all I wanna do is cry and cry. I knew it could happen, I just didn't want it to happen to me. I was telling everyone "I hope I won't be staying in Belgium .. I hope they'll send me to the UK!" and look at me now.

There's still a little bit of hope that if I pass the year successfully I could take the place of someone who failed but this is going to be REALLY complicated.

I feel so weak. I am sorry for not posting any make up related article but I will as soon as I get better Inshallah.

Thank you if you read until the end.
Much love,

Sirine.